


you make my heart shake bend and break (but i can't turn away)

by honey_pots



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, some fluff and angst and all sorts of feels, this is now where i also dump story ideas, updates will be sporadic, will have aus and canon-verse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-05-20 08:31:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19373035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honey_pots/pseuds/honey_pots
Summary: some short fics





	1. the good luthor

**Author's Note:**

> main title from wild by troye sivan
> 
> i've been having a bad block lately, so i'm trying to get out of it by writing some headcanons and short fics and bits of dialogue. i hope it reads well. let me know what you think
> 
> (edit 24/7/2019: title change)

In the future, not too far from the present, Lena succeeds in establishing the legacy that the Legion had mentioned: L-Corp is unquestionably a force for good and, of course, so is Lena.

When Luthor had meant Lex, when it had meant Lillian, all anyone could associate the name with was terrorist attacks and rampant hatred.

But nowadays, Luthor means having ambition and tenacity and wit; it’s always meant those things, in truth, but it also means good.

Because Luthor means Lena.

It’s her name, after all; she made it hers again after so long of having it be lex’s, and hers it will always be.

But when she starts dating Kara, when she realizes how serious they’re becoming, Lena revisits the idea of giving up her name.

The first time she’d contemplated the idea was when Lex lost the battle against his mind and he’d ruined their shared name; back then, she could’ve very well abandoned the Luthor name while she still had the chance, but she hadn’t.

She could’ve done the same when Lillian took the same path as her ill brother, could’ve dumped the Luthor family while she was still ignorant of her blood ties and taken a different name.

But she hadn’t in either case because she  _is_ a Luthor, through and through, and she wanted them to know that.

She had also wanted to rebuild what they had broken, including their once good reputation.

Lena has very well achieved just that, but she finds that she can’t, or won’t, part with the name still—hers it will always be, even madly in love.

So when Kara asks for her hand in marriage—quite literally; Kara’s upbringing as a Kryptonian has wired her to be traditional in some cases, such as engagement—Lena agrees, but with one condition: she keeps her name.

And when Kara only blinks owlishly in response, Lena is quick to amend slightly: she is a Danvers in all but name, so she would be willing to hyphenate at the very most; she just doesn’t want to part with the Luthor name entirely.

Surprisingly enough, Kara turns bashful during Lena’s hasty correction, flushing prettily and fiddling with the bracelet she’d styled for Lena.

“Actually,” Kara finally says, “I want your name.”

And because Lena is so very eloquent, she blurts out a, “Huh?”

“I want your name. I-I know how much your name means to you, Lena. you’re the last Luthor, but you don’t… you don’t have to be the last anymore. I want to be a Luthor too, if-if you’ll have me.”

And well, Lena wasn’t expecting that.

Kara isn’t wrong in saying she’s the last Luthor, not when Lex and Lionel are dead, and Lillian’s gone to the wind; Lena had always thought she would die the last-named Luthor but of course, Kara has to surprise her with this gesture and make her heart swell.

But still, “Are you sure?”

“Positively,” without hesitation.

“Well… Ms. and Ms. Luthor certainly does have a ring to it.”

“That’s what I thought too!” and Lena has to laugh along with the beaming smile Kara wears, her cheeks flushing brighter with elation and what might be relief.

In hindsight, Lena should have known that Kara wouldn’t ever let her be alone in things, even if it’s in something as trivial as a last name; after all, if there’s anyone who knows anything about being the last of something, it would be the Girl of Steel, wouldn’t it?


	2. mother knows best

Lena was always bound to be hurt by the secret—the lie—that Kara kept. It’s true that they’d let bygones be when it came to the kryptonite debacle of last year, but to learn that it was Kara who threw her name back at her, who hit her right where it hurt the most and knew full well how much it stung—well, it certainly threw her for a loop. She'd revealed her insecurities to Kara Danvers, and Supergirl had used them against her. Her relationship with Kara Danvers is different than the one she has with Supergirl; two different prerogatives for two different people, or at least, that's what she had been led to believe. So, whenever Kara muddled lines, it was Lena who was sent reeling and trying to figure out what went wrong, what  _she_ did wrong.

Lena truly is a fool, through and through.

Lex certainly knew how to word the reveal to make it hurt the most; it doesn’t matter how self-aware Lena is of that.

And she feels a fool, even more so, when she finds out that her mother knew too.

“Lillian said you’d hate me if you ever found out,” Kara chokes out through her grief, tears and snot dripping down her chin like a faulty faucet. “and I—th-that  _scared_ me. I didn’t want to lose you. I  _don’t_ want to lose you.”

“How odd," Lena muses, "that you would trust my mother’s words more than your faith in me,” she latches onto that part of Kara's defense, not quite ready to address the desperation in her voice.

“W-well, she turned out to be right, didn’t she? you h- _h_ _ate_ me.”

Lena smothers a snort into the rim of her glass and has to look away from the pitiful, anguished expression Kara is sporting. And well, she isn’t wrong, Lena  _does_ hate her. She's angry and hurt, but does that truly justify the way Kara trusted her mother of all people? Lena can understand why she trusted it initially; they'd only known each other for a year, give or take. But what about now, years after the fact?

A part of her can’t help but be reminded of her own reveal, wherein Lillian—how ironic—told her she was a Luthor by blood, a product of adultery. In only a few words, Lena’s self-assurance went spiraling, and she had felt like she had lived a lie, one cultivated by the very person she had thought was in her corner when he'd lived. Just one lie, a big one kept for years on end, was enough for her to doubt her father and all that he ever said to her. He had known how much being a true Luthor had meant to her, how she’d suffered for it and how she was ridiculed by her mother for it, and yet he let her believe that she could never amount to that. It didn’t matter that he never said anything along those lines; it mattered that he let it happen by omitting the truth.

Like Kara.

Truth omitted for years. Doubting every interaction. Grieving through anger. The bitter taste of betrayal.

So yes, Lena hates her.

She hates her. She hates her. She  _loves_  her.

So, so much.

But hate makes the hurt easier to swallow.

“Have you ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies, Supergirl?”


	3. excerpts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some ideas i might come back to

**western; past cross-dressing (?)**

Kieran Luthor’s widow is beautiful.

She’s still dressed in her mourning darks, her face veiled away in her grief. But they do little to hide her sharp features, the allure of her light eyes, or the red of her lips. And when she speaks, the low husk of her voice alights a flame within the hollow of Kara’s chest. A hollow which only grows when she remembers why Lena is here in Midvale:

Her friend is dead.

And the dead cannot keep their promises.

-

**lena’s in a rising band and kara’s her (famous) ex**

When Kara finally musters up enough courage to listen to Lena's music, she spends the following hours scoring through the band’s entire discography, trying to find even the slightest hint of what they once had together. She can’t stop wondering if Lena had thought enough about their relationship to immortalize it in a song. Even if said song vilifies her or scorns her or condemns her, Kara tells herself that she won’t care, she just… she just wants  _something_.

But, she doesn’t find anything.

-

**demigod au**

Summer brings the sea to camp in iridescent eyes. The waters effectively take her breath away, leaving her mystified by their beauty. She’s stared back at just as openly, though wary curiosity is more accurate than blatant admiration. And it’s only the pointed clearing of the throat—sisterly in sound alone—that pulls her out of the ocean’s tide.

“Kara,” Alex says with palpable amusement, “This is Lena, daughter of Neptune. Lena, this is Kara, daughter of Zeus.”

-

**hanahaki disease; post-reveal**

After the surgery, Lena’s given a jar with the remnants of what grew in her lungs. She doesn’t understand why it’s part of the procedure; thinks maybe it’s supposed to symbolize some sort of final farewell to her unrequited feelings.

Not for the first time, she observes the rooted flowers closely. They’re foreign to her. Now, Lena may not be familiar with every flower known to man, but she believes herself to know more than the average person (she’d spent so much time in the Luthor Manor’s gardens during her childhood, hiding away, and spent just as much time learning from the gardeners). But the flowers in the jar, the ones that gave away her love, are… _alien_.

Kryptonian, most likely.

And with them out of her system, with her feelings quite literally surgically removed, she had expected… relief or freedom or something along those lines in the aftermath. But all she feels now is…

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading


End file.
